Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
