so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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