In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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