If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Randomize
