Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
