my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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