i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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