we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
