"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
