I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
