something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
