ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
