it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
