what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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