Pappa wants mamma naked
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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