When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
