youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
