I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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