I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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