idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
