he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm bleeding and have questions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
