At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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