awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
