Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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