If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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