Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
