You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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