How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
