I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
