I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
