So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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