you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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