If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
