just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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