dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
