I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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