i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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