What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
