You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
