Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we're so committed to being not committed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
