I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
