Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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