Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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