she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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