I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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