I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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