He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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