felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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