Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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