Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
