I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
