after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
