just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You are a genius and a whore.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
