Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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