we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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