we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
