I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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